Heartless Lass

Happy Heartless Holidaze

Lass | Heartless | Saturday, 22 December 2007

Try not to let the commercialization of the season spoil the holidays for you. Too many people do and then turn into righteous pricks and asshats. No better way to handle a fucktard in your presence than a never ending smile and holiday lilt in your voice.

Happy holidaze every body! fix price assumptions test

Share Me: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Comments (5)

Permalink

Let Me Introduce You

Lass | Heartless | Tuesday, 18 December 2007

To my husband.

I found this while surfin’ around the other day and I couldn’t get over how it exactly describes my husband.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assholes

Gathered together for the first time ever, our tips on how you can be a more effective asshole:

1. Never respect anyone unless you’re sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

2. Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be.

Example:
“These fries aren’t very fucking crispy!”

3. Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.

4. Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don’t smoke.

5. Call everyone you meet by the nickname “Chief.”
(Always roll your eyes when you say it.)

Example:
“Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!” (ROLLS EYES)

For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say “Chief” and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.

6. Always precede the word “man” with either “little,” “Mr.,” or “old.”

Examples:
“I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man,
and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro.”

“So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?”

“No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man.”

(Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone
you know can not beat you up.)

7. Noogie every small child you meet until they cry–including newborn babies.

Share Me: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Comments (5)

Permalink

Knotted Up Into Seclusion

Lass | Heartless | Wednesday, 12 December 2007

For those wondering, I never did do anything - never acted on the urge to ‘get back’ at the cheating spouse. I guess I’m not as heartless of a bitch as I’d like to think I am. That right there is kind of a hard pill to swallow. I must be getting old. I suddenly have a conscience. Whoa.

I’ve been feeling sad and sorry for myself in the depths of lonely darkness that we find ourselves in once the chores are done and the children are tucked safely into their beds. Holiday blues? Probably.

Someone I love very much is going through something and I can’t do a damned thing to help or be there for them. Hell, at this point, I don’t even know if I’ll ever speak to them again. I can’t stand feeling so helpless. It’s making me crazy.

On the positive side, I am done Christmas shopping. Now, I get to sit on my ass and watch folks run around like crazies and know that my shit is all done. People watching in the malls at this time of year is particularly entertaining to me.

Nothing has imploded over here. Nothing has changed. Unfortunately. I have simply pulled inside of myself and haven’t been up to socializing much lately.

I miss y’all tho.

Share Me: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.